A few years ago, while going through the customary “how was your day at school ,son?” with my then 9 yr old , he talked about this new technique they learnt in debate that week where the teacher gave the Kids a topic and divided the candidates into the for and against teams. They were asked to research and debate based on what they had learnt for their respective stands on the topics. The kids spent a couple of days researching and then vehemently debating on the topic in class. Soon after the teacher declared – now switch your stand, the for team is now going to speak against the topic and vice versa. I could see my son was quite bowled over by the process and he said that most of the students were rendered speechless, as this time they were given no time to prepare.
Humans put an unnecessary pressure on themselves to question deeply things about the world and then to come up with strong opinions, hence sometimes leaving little scope for change of those beliefs. This teacher was doing a service to these kids to have have hit them hard with an exercise like this. At such a young age they were being taught that the universe will always be bigger then their opinion and there will always be so much more then what they have learnt.
When we become adults, ego may enter our learning processes based on our experiences.So maybe if after forming an opinion on things we start looking at any new facet , not as a need for change of our opinion but as an evolution of our existing one, we would be doing ourselves a huge favour,without our ego feeling the need for a massage.
At home we sometimes inadvertently create an environment, which in the name of our family culture and values, could put pre-conceived notions into our young children’s mind. I won’t go into the details of that, since the facets of that may be varied for different families. Learning begins at an early age and begins at home. If we as parents can be more mindful in the manner in which we interact with our children. Lovingly provide them the means to build their own thought processes and sometimes learn from them too. We don’t need to be super smart to do that, we just need to be mindful. for eg while recommending a book to read to a child “ thats the best book a teenager could read” and adding a “ but that’s just my experience, you may have your own, pls share your thoughts too” could be a good start for both parent and child. In this case the child will be more receptive in the interaction yet learn that we may have one way of thinking, but other ways may exist too.
When we go through rigorous selection interviews and debates in schools and colleges, and sometimes jobs we are normally asked for an opinion on worldly issues. The same may be triggered when we enter new relationships or become parents. It may be imperative to a person’s growth, personal as well as professional, to keep learning, questioning and evolving, and not bind ourselves to a set thought process or not have one at all.
If a commitment to an opinion disallows us an opportunity of growth, we can possibly work towards enlightening ourselves a bit more on the topic in question. How do we realize we are stuck in our ways? Do we need to admit it to the whole world once we realiSe it? The answer to that – we just know when it happens and no it can just be our own personal journey, the world will know when we no longer need to vehemently defend an argument and it starts showing up in our actions instead. Because it’s going to feel like a simpler world then!
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P.s.-I wrote this piece a few weeks back , but since then, basis some of the interactions I have had with people from different walks of life, I learnt that the world could be so much more then even the thoughts I have shared above, and I have needed to question and learn so much in the interim. It flummoxed me, threw me off balance time and again, in the end just making it clearer, you cannot be smug about knowledge , because then it whimpers away into the background as just an opinion.
I don’t have much interest in sci-fi literature, but this made for a very compelling read. This is the fastest I have completed a book in a very long time. The author writes a gripping story , depicting a futuristic society where artificial intelligence becomes a part of our daily existence, if it isn’t already. For some reason the future children are dying young , either because of the genetic modulation which has been vaguely mentioned in the book or because of an environmental crises ( this may be a reality given the way environmental concerns are unfolding)
To keep these futuristic children company , Artificial friends (AI constructed life-like dolls) are common place. Our main protagonist ( an AI doll ), Klara also goes on to make important decisions which hint at emotional maturity on her part. But that is sort of what the book is about , this exceptionally gifted AI doll. As a sun-stalker myself ( esp the rising and receding one), I got hooked to the observations made by Klara, whether it was about the colours spurned around a room when the sun recedes or the healing powers of the sun.
Life is woven around the small observations we make in daily life ( as much as we may sometimes live in denial of them ). Klara’s observation of the interplay between a man-made machine and the sunlight and it ultimately being reason for the almost death and then revival of a beggar and dog , was very interesting. I felt it when the author depicts the love between a man and his dog being another reason of how they both survive , and it was endearing I to see this become a big part of the protagonist’s plan in saving her owner.
Over all, easy to read, well written, and well ended!
Let this women’s day be an opportunity to rise above……
Do you ever find your self making statements like- ‘I am a working woman and working women are smarter and raise independent kids!’ …..Or………’I am a home maker and thank god for that because I wouldn’t see my kids being raised by anybody but me!’ If yes then you might find this relevant. As harmless or personal these thoughts may seem, what we are unconsciously doing is seeking validation by stereotyping the roles that women ought to play, simply because we made certain life choices. Seeking validation and in turn giving rise to a need for general feminine validation. I shared these 2 examples because I have often heard these statements being made in my sphere of influence.
A long time ago I found myself at a party where as the conversation progressed, I realised I was the only woman who was a “home maker”. I wear many hats – I bake and decorate cakes commercially, I am a tutor, I have an online presence for selling my miniature works, etc” so I could introduce myself as any of them, but I dont feel the need to introduce myself as the “ so and so of the so and so world”. I am happy in just being me. And introducing myself as a homemaker just happens by chance. But the conversation at the party heavily shifted to how our kids need to see us as more than ‘just’ home makers.
Someone spoke about their kids defining them as “just a mother” and how they had to explain to the child as to their position in the corporate environment as well. If my daughter was to say that to me, I would see it as her beginning to typecast people around her. My answer to that would have been – if you see me as “just a mother”, I hope you can see how happy it makes me to just be a mother . Its important for me to help her break that habit so that if tomorrow she decides to be “just a mother” or a working woman who takes the support of helpers to nurture her kids , she doesn’t end up guilt-tripping herself or doesnt end up judging others who seem to chose a different path. Instead I would love to see my children finding their own balance and letting that define who they are. For the lady at the party, I am sure soon after she would have figured out her own beautiful version to that solution.
I however do understand her perspective here. The reason why she didn’t want her children to see her as just a mother could be to not deter them from the seamless possibilities in front of them. That’s a good thought but there might possibly be a more effective way of achieving a similar result.We’ll maybe explore that in another blog post.
My daughter is good atart & craft and self-nags herself into improvement, just short of an OCD. She recently got into the habit of waiting for my reaction to her art. I noticed a power shift. From being a self-confident and self-assured person, she started looking for my approval, a sort of a stamp on her happiness. So from the initial enthusiastic“ wow! This is so amazing. You are a great artist !” I changed the tone to a, loving “ This looks really nice, did you enjoy drawing this?” And further questioning her on the inspiration behind her work. The idea was to empower her back, by letting her be the judge of her own work and the master of her own enthusiasm. By seeking an approval from within ourselves, we attain an absolute versus the relative value that external validation could provides us – a validation that cannot slip from under our feet anytime the ground shakes.
If we could do that for each person that touches our lives, we would be doing ourselves and humanity a big service. Very often we do find ourselves being part of conversations where women are being judged for their respective roles in society. Seldom have I heard about men not earning enough, not being a good father, not helping out with laying the table and so on. It’s true that this lights the torch of patriarchy, and sometimes womenfolk are responsible for making it shine brighter.
In colleges this phenomenon is very common. Young girls are sometimes slut-shamed for being bold, young men would shame a woman if they think she’s playing hard to get and girls sometimes have the tendency to piggy back on that thought and encourage it. There is a difference between being bold and being brazen, with the latter having a more negative connotation. But in either case one cannot facilitate this behavior as you would be guilty of helping shine that patriarchal torch. My young readers (I hear from my son that I have a few) would identify with this example.
In one of the recent shows that I watched , a 16yr old with body image issues resorts to extreme surgeries to remove body fat. The doc, with an aim to dissuade her, tells her – “life doesn’t need to be hard to be worthwhile”. Now this kid was someone who got good grades but whose mum is shown to be super model and hence she saw herself from the eyes of the mother. But again this was just a show. In real life- one cant be perfect and maybe one doesn’t need to be!
Not going far , my own daughter , a 7 year old , was called ‘someone who asks for boys’ attention’, just because she plays with boys. Thankfully this statement was made to me and not to her, so I could correct the person on her choice of words. Since the person in question was a 9 year old, I understood that her judgement of my daughter was not hers alone. A lot of people might think of my daughter in a similar manner. But that shouldn’t deter her from achieving what she wants to.
One of my student’s mother broke down on phone recently when, after being repeatedly put on spot for not doing my job in the way she expects, I told her to keep track of her child’s homeworks and notes sent home in notebooks. It was followed by painful howling and sparking off further disrespect from the other side of the line. I ended the phone call a bit dumb founded. But after speaking to a couple of other teachers , I realised that this is a common reaction coming from mothers as they are otherwise subjected to a lot of societal judgement esp for being a working parent. And I had somehow inadvertently passed judgement on a mother for not being available for her child. She judged my words based on her bad experiences. Why are mothers put through so much pressure that they carry baggage to the next experience? How does that environment get created ? Lets explore that in another blog post later.
We as a society are conditioned from the beginning to believe that women have the soft skills to hold a family together, to raise children, to sacrifice, to ask after others amongst many other things. We forget that while those are beautiful things to do, we can’t stereotype people into roles. In a world of black & white, there are lots of greys and that’s where the majority of us lie. There are those who are not kind with their words and yet know how to help out people in need, there are those who won’t sacrifice on their peace and yet have your back. A lot of young girls are raised to believe that they are good and how they shall always be perceived as the ones doing good for others. Our reasons to be good or do good cannot be determined by another human. Rather good should be done in the name of basic humanity or what we have the capacity to go beyond.
A few years ago after I returned from a 10 day solo trip to Japan I was sitting at a multicultural gathering where a number of women told me how extraordinary my household was and how they could not ask their spouses to child-sit for even a day, leave aside 10 days. Later, the same evening, someone mentioned about another lady who travelled a lot for work and how lucky she was to have a husband who allowed her to do so. I was too speechless to respond.
Recently, during a deep conversation with a fellow passenger he told me how he always wanted a working woman as a partner. The reason he claimed sprouted from perceiving his mum’s housewife status as the reason for not being empowered in her marriage. Now looking at it from his mother’s perspective, it is highly likely that she would be tempted to raise a daughter who traverses that life path which she herself was devoid of – in this case encouraging her to be a working woman. So her deprivation strengthens her resolve to make her daughter’s life more fulfilling by driving her to be a working mother. But what if ,on the contrary the daughter wants to and has the means to be a happy homemaker and infact struggles to manage her life as a working woman. One woman’s solution could be another woman’s problem. Happiness is not linked to any of these roles defined by others for us. It depends on our life situations and how best we can deal with them and work towards our ultimate contentment.
Often I get questioned by people as to when I shall go back to “a Job” that justifies my qualifications, or get back full time to the cake business that I have worked so hard to nurture over the last decade. In the same breath there are those who justify my not going to work so that my kids can get better nurturing. One side points out the financial benefits I could attain and the other of how extra ordinary my kids will turn out – making it a battle between material benefits and self-sacrifice to nurture better. But my validation doesnt come from them, it comes from within. I don’t know what would happen in the next 24 hrs, leave alone 10 years down the line. I recently moved countries, and went through a load of upheaval, an experience that anybody else may not understand. This puts me into a unique situation of my own for which I need to figure out my own unique solution.
I believe that stereotyping and need for external validations are behavioral traits that go hand in hand, in a vicious cycle that we inadvertently end up facilitating.
We are all guilty of one or more of the crimes above. Maybe it would help to evolve our mindsets little by little, day by day.. And then we can start talking about shattering more glass ceilings ……..
मैंने चीज़ों को थोड़ा थोड़ा तड़पते हुए देखा है …….
खेत में खिलती फसल को
अंजाम लेते हुए सफर को
रिश्तों में आई नरमी को
गले लग जाने की गर्मी को
मैंने चीज़ों को थोड़ा थोड़ा बनते हुए देखा है………
बादलों के तनाव में
बंधनो के खिंचाव में
बच्चे के हॅसने के शोर में
माँ की डांट के जोर में
मैंने चीज़ों के पीछे छिपे असली मतलब को देखा है……..
घाव से उभरी हुई चोट को
सूखती हुई सुबह की ओस को
बालों से लिपटी हुई उस गुड़िया की कंघी को
दिमाग में घर बनायीं उस गुत्थी को
मैंने चीज़ों को थोड़ा थोड़ा सुलझते हुए देखा है………..
मैंने चीज़ों को थोड़ा थोड़ा बनते हुए देखा है
– सुगंधा
सुबह सुबह की धुँधली किरणों की छाओं में- kokopo, PNG
A word to word English translation to this may not do justice to the thoughts behind this. So here is a summary:
I have seen things grow little by little
Like a small child in the womb, then crying in the lap, one day playing in the field and then spreading his wings and taking flight…..I have seen things grow little by little
Like the sapling that rises from a seed, the new leaves showing up on the branch, the drum that gradually gets filled up from the raindrops, the gradually evolving colours of butterflies…….I have seen things change bit by bit
Like the fish caught in the net of a the fisherman lounging in his boat, the tangled hair caught in the comb of a little girl sitting in the court……I have seen things at unrest
Like the harvest in a field, the fruitful completion of a journey, the softness brought about in relations, the warmth of a hug………I have seen things getting built little by little
In the shudder of the clouds, in the pull of attachments, In the noise of the laughter of little children, in the force felt in a mother’s scolding………I have seen the hidden essence of the small things
In the gradual healing of the bruise, in the drying morning dew, in the untangling of the hair of that little girl’s comb, In the slowly untangling of the mind’s puzzles………I have seen things slowly solving themselves out
It never helps to foster an overly dependent relation with anything in life, be it humans, habits, alcoholic addictions, social media or our own pride. The trick is to strive to strike a balance.
A few months ago I watched this documentary – The social dilemma, where Tristan Harris, an American technology ethicist speaks in reference to his days at google and how back then an entire team was set up just to design the look and feel of gmail , to get people addicted to it and eventually making it a revenue generating avenue for google. He spoke about how he found himself alone in realising that if we are creating a system around addiction then we also need to work on some de-addiction algorithms, just to balance out. Of course he must have sounded silly to his entire team because well the world was focused on generating profit at the time. Addiction and de-addiction was left upto us. This is the premise on which the junk food industry and some of the news channels thrive on. Playing around with your gamut of triggers and leaving you at a loss of breath to sometimes be able to reasonably evaluate your options.
With the advent of technology/social media/umpteen modes of communication, we seem to be surrounded by quick access to instant gratification. They may sometimes deluge our modern values to a point of chronic intoxication.
Imagine yourself sitting in your home in that comfortable corner you have created for yourself , reading a book, no thought crowds your mind except the one the author is allowing you to have in that moment. Call this point zero. In this moment there is a feeling of silent contentment created by nothing but an inanimate object such as a book. Suddenly the phone you forgot to keep on silent buzzes for attention and you find your high school Whatzapp group innundated with messages after almost a week. It triggers an excitement, and you find yourself responding with equal fervour. In the meantime your residential complex Whatzapp group starts buzzing with activity, and you check the messages making sure there in no important information you may be missing out on. Somebody in the group points another to the new rules for the complex, a list which is available on another app. Curiosity piqued, you suddenly find yourself go down a rabbit hole, with the book from a short while ago suddenly forgotten into oblivion. Add in your business or office mails to the mix, which manage to stir your phone at the same time. The sudden flurry of activity takes you in a tizzy and from a neutral point of silent contentment you go on a roller coaster ride of excitement, curiosity, nervousness, envy and eventual exhaustion.
Another example for my young readers to relate to, say one nice evening, you are hanging out with your partner and you are feeling good about it,. Its the feeling stirred in you of your own making in that moment. You decide to capture the moment and share as one of your social media posts. Messages ravage your account and you get 100 likes and affirming comments on that post within the first 30 mins. Vanity, something which did not exist until the point you posted ,suddenly takes force. You start feeling a high, you feel celebrated and loved, whereas the love from your partner till a moment ago was sufficient before an external validation came through. Beep beep……..some one drops in a not-so-favorable remark on your picture. You crash to the same extent that you rose a few minutes ago, based on a few virtual clicks.
Venting out for example. Some may find themselves feeling good while venting out, because it feels good to discuss something bothering the mind. The problem occurs when we start feeling a sense of righteousness as a result of the rant and we underplay the other party’s virtues. It elevates us. The higher the elevation, the greater the possibility of crash later when you realise nobody is as evil as you just made them out to be.*
* I am all for sharing problems, provided the idea is not to underplay one’s own role in the gamut of events. Or when it concerns mental health issues. My definition of venting is the repetitive chorus of how someone dealt one a wrong card , with no intention of working on the relationship or moving on.
The examples may not resonate with everyone. For some these examples may be trivial and trigger nothing, but it would be imperative to watch out for the triggers in ourselves that make us seek excitement or happiness outside of us, the sources which have the possibility of becoming addictive and prey on our valuable time, self-esteem or relationships because these are the signals generated in our mind and body as a result.
We all know about Dopamine, and have a decent awareness about how too much or too little dopamine can be bad for us. So even the reward hormone seeks a balance.
‘Simple pleasures “ are called so for a reason. That book lost in oblivion, the person sitting in front of you while you are busy posting about that moment, the relationship you seem to be losing because you chose to vent about them rather then communicate with them are the simple pleasures we lose out on for the sake of the instant gratification that the beautiful packaging of the modern day communication avenues brings to us, just because someone somewhere designed them in a somewhat unthinking way.
The daughter’s balancing act on the waters of fisherman Island.
The idea is not to ‘Not’ share or engage with the world or technology, but to know how much to be stirred and when to retreat. To train ourselves that we have the capability to be content in the silence of mundane day to day activities of watering our plants, of that walk to work, of silly games played with our children, and so many more.
I read somewhere :
Moderation is the secret of wisdom
and happiness. Its ultimate aim is a
reconciliation of opposites.
On that note………I shake myself out of a reverie as my un-watered plants scream for attention.
A few years ago I wrote about A simple life, a set of values I designed uniquely for myself when I leaned inwards for comfort as I stood on shaky ground with the world outside. A deep conversation with a dear friend recently reminded me of it. Sharing the link , in case it may help someone else someday.
Life is not a constant, its forever evolving and there is always something to smile about……
Its been over 5 months since I left Port Moresby. Before leaving, I remember something said to me by a friend as a parting remark “ Su, hope you are able to retain what the island life has taught you”. This is after an hour long conversation of what personal evolution we have felt after living in a city like POM. I didn’t think that within 5 months of moving back to the city life, I would be grappling with holding on to my self from what I was back then. Each day I stare out of my city window, imagining myself back in my island home, one with nature, one with myself. It wasn’t that it was easy, it was very tough, living in conditions like those. But I had done it before and I knew I could manage it this time around too.Its the most jostling of times in ones life which brings out the best in them. So it did for me. So before I start forgetting what it was to live in PNG, I started documenting some incidents as I remember them. Here is one incident I had written about at the time that it happened, during a brief timespan of 1-2 weeks when the pandemic seemed to have receded.
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20th July 2020,Thursday- Papua New Guinea
The last week has been an eventful one. Just when the whole world struggles to grapple with a pandemic, my city decides things need to be spiced up a bit.
The school week started with a bang!! And literally so. Finally after months of serving the cubs and Mister, initially under lock down and later under various permutations and combinations of them being at home , they are all packed off to their respective schools/office, something I was half heartedly looking forward to. I was happy to finally have some ‘me time’ yet knew that it would feel a bit lonely too. But as is the fun of going to school in PNG, schools start their terms mid-week. So the kids looks forward to the weekend after a flurry of fresh activity.Anyways the night before , while we ready ourselves and our bags for school and discuss uniforms/ lunch boxes, somewhere out of the blue we start hearing gun shots. We come out into our balconies and within a radius of 1 km hear people rioting and then more gun shots. This was 7pm in the evening. We indulged in the customary video sharing with family and friends who find these situations exotic. The ruckus went on till noon next day, while no press release had yet revealed the ‘big’ reason why it happened.We just knew that members of 2 different tribes were initially the warring Parties and then a 3rd joined in after spectator-ing for a bit. The police weren’t far behind. The’ Black lives matter’ agendas didn’t really make it to my city so my curiosity was caught between it being a case of honour killing or domestic violence or witchcraftery. The reason for almost 20 hours of ruckus between what sounded like atleast 100-150 people……….as finally revealed …………..was………..wait for it…………legendary……….a case of theft………of a mobile phone……….by a member of one tribe from another. The experience of this event was nothing short of witnessing the Mahabharata yudh.Well we had a similar vantage point as that of Dhritarashtra and Vidur, with swirls of dust rising up from the war zone visible from our building and both wars being fought in the name of honour. 😆
Anyways this was just the beginning of the promising school week. My 5 year old who usually sees a drop in immunity every 1st week of school after holidays decides that she likes school and keeps her health in check. 4 more corona cases appear in the city with 1 fatality. Nothing much changes in the city by way of public health policies. But the week decides to get more interesting and builds to a crescendo.
On Friday after an argument with my dad on phone over why he thinks I should not go to the nursery to get new plants as I could catch covid, something for which i couldn’t come up with a more effective argument beyond a ‘ Pappa, but Mann kar raha hai”(Father,I feel like doing it), karma for arguing with the parent comes knocking at my door. My house starts shaking! Within seconds my building is swaying and i realise that I am in the midst of an earthquake, and a decently massive one. I gather my keys, phone and passports (the soaked almonds work for my presence of mind🤔) , take the flight of stairs down to the outside of the building. Yup that was definitely a big one . 7.3 on the Richter scale they told us later.
Now I was only glad , that the ruckus outside and the gun shots had stopped well in time to give the earthquake some limelight, or I would have been fearing for my life both inside and outside the building. Talk about Catch 22s!
Well by now the “Mann kar raha hai” changed to “ maybe my last few plant purchases in this lifetime, go for it Su,Jee le apni zindagi” so I brought home some new plant babies.
Them plants babies 😊
The Earthquake left an initial Tsunami warning which was later withdrawn, but it did leave a little damage to the city buildings with gaps in tile spacings, aircon ducts falling off , bottles and photographs falling off desks, etc etc. But nothing too significant!
My darling daughter comes home to tell me that when the earth quake happened the music teacher made the kids lie down on the classroom floor. I wonder how in an earthquake prone city teachers don’t remember to take the kids out in the open. But thats probably because they don’t eat badam (almonds)🤔🤣
In a nut shell ,what started with a bang ,ended with a jolt!
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For many months after this we kept feeling tremors (mostly caused by the cars moving about and into our building), but it would be enough to get our instincts up with us ready to bolt.Over the next couple of weeks following these incidents , our kids were trained as to how to react in the situation of earth quakes. My elder one was instructed to pick his sister, the nearest phone available, our easily accessible passports , toothbrushes if possible ( my neighbour inspired me to add this , nobody wants to be caught with bad breath the next day after an earth quake😉) and go down the flight of stairs. This was apart from the otherwise training the kids recieved on a regular basis. My kids knew better then to roll down the car windows when we left our building. car jackings at gun point was a common possibility in Port Moresby, my husband and a few colleagues were chased at the golf course by gun bearing thugs, one of them misfired his gun in frustration at not being able to catch up with his victims ( my husband practices his chase run every day😆). This incident of course was relayed to me many weeks after its occurrence, as I was still dealing with the frequent visits of snakes to our building. This may sound very overwhelming to my readers, Port moresby may sound like a very dangerous city to live in. But this is what I have learnt through my experiences there. You don’t know whats going to happen tommorow, live a good life today , live a good moment today, help who you can, ask for help when in doubt. Live and love by instinct. Live and try to flourish in the space you are provided. I stopped to exist in any other experiences that I had previously been living*. live the experiences with people physically around you, your neighbours, your helpers, your colleagues, your children , your spouses, your parents, because that’s the most you would get sometimes, and that’s quite a lot. Make the best of what you have in front of you today.Pick yourself a little by little when you are beaten down, even if that’s the most you have done on that day. For you don’t know when you may be caught in the midst of a riot or an earthquake or a pandemic if not all 3 🤪
Me learning to breath in different ways, in preparedness for whatever mighty happen next🤪🤣
*currently I may be holding on to my island city, but that’s in gratitude for all the personal evolution I underwent there. I am very much present and flourishing in the city and moments in which I reside in today.
It has not been long since the Bois locker room scandal hit the news. I will not go into details, but in short it highlighted the Rape culture in schools. The scandal soon faded away, leaving space for other scandals to hit newsrooms. But it brought forth a lot of questions. How did kids from good families turn out like that? Was it peer pressure at play? Was it technology? Was is exposure to too many things at too young an age? Was it bad parenting? I even heard debates on working mums vs stay at home mums , who is the better nurturer, the role of the fathers clearly being skipped……well because……..patriarchy. Where it became a reason to air our insecurities, it also became an excuse to massage our egos by congratulating our own family values……because well “humare ghar ke bachhe toh aise ho hi nahi sakte” (our kids are different from these “type” of kids). But i feel the one thing amongst so many that these incidents should have taught us is that our kids need nurturing, not just by way of good nutrition, clothes, school education, after school activities, etc but by also inculcating healthy mindsets by maintaining a culture of open communication at home.
Boy and my sorry attempt at his sketch!
Each year on my son’s birthday I write a letter to him. I have been following this ritual since the last couple of years. My children love the play of words and express themselves in their writings. So last year I wrote a long letter on my phone notepad and then handed it over as a print out for my son to read. Now my darling boy , who is by now used to my hand made cards, DIY birthday party decorations, pushed-to-the-limits kind of cake designs for his birthdays decided to complain about how the letter could have been hand written for personal touch! (Facepalm!)
Anyways this year I skipped that tradition and decided to write this instead. The last year saw him change a lot, in maturity as well as physical appearance. He has gained height , lost all his baby fat, and we continue to witness a little boy entering early adulthood. We suddenly find ourselves hanging out with a mini- adult who is experimenting with the concept of being “cool”, who talks nineteen to the dozen, one who practices his wisecracks on us and his sibling (sometimes getting into a lot of trouble as a result), whose hair gets extra attention in front of the mirror every morning, and who sometimes tries his luck with the father by asking him for what he calls “ a cold one” (read-beer).
Jokes apart, this year has found me wanting to say all these things to him and all the other young children I have come to love as my own:
I wish for you to nurture a mind that knows how to discern between love and desire, with ‘respect’ being the winner in all your relationship gambles.
As you and other boys change in body and mind , so do the girls around you. You will find your moments of awkwardness around mingling with the opposite gender. Make sure to learn to bridge these gaps rather then widen them, else you will lose out on developing an understanding about half of mankind. Plus girlfriend Kaise banegi! Jokes apart, I wish for you to see your friends, not as girls or boys , but as peers who have an equal right to their opinions.
I wish that when the time comes, you would know that ‘no means no’ and a ‘maybe’ doesn’t automatically translate into a ‘yes’.I look at this from 2 dimensions 1) respecting other peoples’ choices 2) respecting yourself enough to not fall prey to temporary temptation.
I wish for you to hold wisdom and not succumb to the comfort that stereotyping provides. I wish for you to see a world where women earn the bread and men can warm it for them. Where child-minding and housework can be a shared task.
I wish for you to be able to always speak your mind, yet know you may receive dissent and that its healthy for it to have happened.
I wish for you to be able to build opinions, yet not hold yourself to them with handcuffs. People can evolve and so can you.
I wish for you to enjoy your social media existence and learnings with abandon, but be conscious of the fact that it provides you what you seek. If you seek trouble and negativity and so shall you recieve. You may be tempted to share with the world that you bought your first convertible……….ok well lets get real here…………….you got your first 100$ pay cheque, I would rather wish to see you share that with your friends, siblings or grandparents in the real world by taking them out for a small treat rather then announcing to the whole world on social media and then coming back to a lonely room. I wish for you to be able to enjoy your online existence yet not be swayed by the sometimes popularity it has to offer. The 80-20 rule can sometimes be very helpful in mindfully engaging in social media. It’s simple, make sure you live atleast 4 times the life and principles you claim to have on social media.
I wish for you to find happiness in your friends’ successes. The mere fact that you are the privileged one who they decided to share that news with, speaks volumes of the confidence and love you provide them.
I wish for you to know, to envy, is to be human, as long as it encourages you productively and calmly to build your own path to whatever you seek instead of engaging in bad mouthing or negativity.
I wish for you to understand that there is no degree of popularity, wealth and material possessions that shall define you as a well balanced human. What you build within you in terms of mental, emotional and physical soundness is what shall carry you through life.
I wish for you, a child who was born in 1 country and raised in so many others, to not need to prove his inclination to any of these countries. I wish for you to respect your Matrabhoomi and Karmbhoomi with equal fervour. The world continues to get polarized based on religion, boundaries, gender, class. I wish for you to traverse these paths with clarity and good intent.
I wish for you to be able to discern between commitment/love/endurance and emotional/physical abuse, be it in friendship as well as other relationships.
I do not wish for you to be the most successful in the room ,or the richest or the most intelligent or the most macho. I will instead trust you to define what limits work best for you and instead shall wish for you to find contentment and happiness in what you find. Also life has its share of ups and downs, and you will get your share too.I trust you to learn to endure whatever comes your way.
As your parent, I wish for myself to hold on to the belief that you came through me and not for me. I do not own you, yet for a bit I am part responsible for your nurturing. I wish to be able to see it through till my time allows. Learning is a 2 way street, and I am not looking to give you sermons without having the appetite of receiving some from you. We are all evolving together. So I wish for you to be able to communicate with me things that i can myself work upon. Yours forever, Ma!
This is from an year back when I could still boast of being taller then him!
People, generous enough to have read this post, please do share with your children, beliefs that you hold wise and also do share with me other things that can be added to the list. Please be mindful, I am not a parent who believes that I need to direct the course of my childrens’ lives , but someone who enjoys being a part of what they create. This list above has been built based on conversations we have at home. I believe that a gentle nudge in a positive direction goes a long way in nurturing these young souls and there is so much we learn in return. I do not believe in holding insecurities of any past lives or experiences to nurture children because it does more damage then good. But that topic is for another day………….
Words used as a means to bringing out equilibrium in our relationships!
I love to take pictures, especially of my kids. I believe these pictures of today are my memories for tommorow when the kids shall fly off to create their own nests. Sometimes I tell them to hug each other for the benefit of the pic, sometimes they embrace naturally but my camera doesn’t catch it in time. So here is one I found in my stash which is the yin to the ‘yang’ pics I have mostly captured. About the pic : I have juxtaposed 2 images 4 yrs apart. The first one is of my elder one being tickled by the mere weight of my then 3 month old baby girl. And the 2nd one is of him being tickled by the exasperation he has caused in the same child 4 yrs hence, with his incessant teasing over little things.
My Yin and Yang!
My kids fight like cats and dogs sometimes, and hug and cuddle in the next moment, without even trying to iron out any of the differences they had a moment earlier. All my dreams of having a peaceful life and deliberately spacing the kids 6 yrs apart get washed out with their noise levels. Sometimes I myself scream like a banshee. But this is what I have learnt ( or have accepted as a result of not being able to do anything about it). Kids fight, they makeup, they forget- and these are any human’s first few experiences of understanding differences. These learnings sometimes get stashed away in a box while we are growing up. For some it can not be helped because they probably never got closure or had too much childhood trauma which continues in adulthood, so they would rather try to stay sane by stashing it away and living in a make believe. But for most it may happen as a natural progression of life, expanding spheres of relationships, the excitement of worldly possessions, the absorption in our pursuing our passions.
Grown up relationships get complicated because of not knowing how to respond appropriately when things go south or because of an underlying complication/complex in our relationships, which is very important to be discussed, be it with a sibling, a spouse, a friend, a parent, a mediator. Forgiving and forgetting amongst grownups doesn’t happen as spontaneously as it does with children, and that’s where ‘effective”communication comes into the picture. Words have the power to hurt as well as soothe, depending on how we use them.
Another kind of complication that a relationship may undergo is not knowing whether the other person would be at the same wavelength as you, where it comes to the need felt for sorting things out. That’s a heavy position to be in, and probably 20% of our troubled relationships may get to that point. The worst response a person may fear getting could be “ I didn’t think there was a problem, why did you feel so” , or “ I don’t think I did anything to upset you, I don’t know why you felt so”. Please note the emphasis on “I” here. This may be a person who prefers living in a state of denial because maybe they have bigger fish to fry or maybe they don’t have an appetite for open discussions.
How to decide when to walk away and when not too? And should you walk away? The right question to first ask your self is “ do I have anything to hide or be apologetic about?” If the answer is in the negative, then unless it comes from a lack of general exposure and understanding universal codes of conduct, and the damage from in-expression far outweighs the pain of silence, then one should surely throw caution to the wind, and seek the other person and politely express himself. If the answer is affirmative then maybe we need to work on ourselves too and be ready to accept where we may need to improve. Second question to ask “ what do I expect out of this conversation ?”
Diverting to an interesting joke I heard from a stand up comedian, in which the comedian tells the audience about how when you feel some one has been a jerk to you, and you imagine yourself confronting them , a conversation in which you are the moral police and the other person is well , just the ‘jerk’?” and how you realise that when you do end up talking to the person, he comes on to you as the moral police and then you automatically become the jerk”?
In real life that may happen. The key point to note here is – “ dont take a stand, don’t be the moral police and then you won’t end up being the jerk”. As simple as that. While communicating also learn to communicate how to do it right. Though a favourable outcome definitely will make things better, yet you don’t bank upon it for your ultimate happiness, and most importantly mean what you say!
Manage your expectations, know when you yourself may be in the wrong, be open to your own faults, yet don’t treat it as a ping pong match where blame is concerned. Be prepared for a no-show, and understand that the other person may not be expecting anything out of the relationship and that you just need to keep walking your life without them. But a fear of rejection shouldn’t deter you from speaking your truth. Be it with a child, a parent, a friend and most importantly in your marriage.
I have come across people who have contentions with their spouses and yet are not comfortable to communicate their thoughts across. Maybe they feel their silence serves them better then their communication. But I struggle to understand how one can be happy to treat their marriage in such a mediocre manner. Is that the legacy we want to leave for our kids- “avoid meaningful conversations and go on with life?”. Children pick up on silent vacuums between their parents too. I would rather communicate and make some noise, rather then live in a marriage of dullness and lack of understanding with my spouse. It helps iron out issues that are pertinent towards the growth in the relationship and helping build a sound environment for nurturing the offspring involved.
While the above is important to my existence as my relationship with a spouse is sacred to me, I also keep my mind open about how different people may function differently. Maybe some have better relationships with their friends than spouses and that helps find their equilibrium. Or maybe some are just content in having an amazing relationship with their spouse and have no friends to comfort them. Whatever floats one’s boat, as long as one can find that equilibrium while simultaneously trying to iron out the vacuums in their life and doesn’t end up lonely despite being surrounded by people.
The views expressed above are purely based on the blogger’s experience and spiritual journey which are ever-evolving just as her surroundings are. There are various aspects to communication – being an effective listener being one, polite communication being another , some of which she plans to cover in later posts. So if any reader plans to follow anysuggestions mentioned above then we would strongly recommend deliberating on the various aspects of communication before taking any steps.
What’s your guiding light? Do you celebrate festivals and chant mantras because that’s how you have seen that done or do you infuse meaning to your customs and practices? Do you observe to please, or with intent or for pleasure?
After Having spent the last 1.5 decade living in a foreign land, festivals have taken on a different meaning altogether. Our celebrations have become mellow, yet our love for our country and our people has grown manifold.
Holi- The festival of colour, of spreading happiness and love, of celebrating good over evil, of good food!Ours is a very humble version of Holi!
We often talk to our children about the essence of festivals, leaving out the religious aspect of it, as both me and my husband do not believe in getting caught up in the nitty gritties of religious acts. It’s been a conscious effort on our part and not one of conveneince. We do have a small temple and we do follow some of our own rules out of habit- no shoes around the temple area, temple clothes get cleaned regularly, etc etc. I love the smell of incense and I love the spirituality of the hanuman chalisa. But we teach our kids that prayer is not for asking God to always do us well in terms of a gain, but there is no harm in just sometimes folding our hands in obeisance and asking GOd to bestow us with the strength to deal with all our ups and downs , for everyone gets their fair share of both. The power of prayer is not displayed in God’s pity on us and then ridding us of our insecurities/negative thoughts , but because maybe those 10 minutes spent in prayer is saving us from those very bad thoughts and insecurities. This is how I like to explain things to kids. I grew up in a relatively Arya Samajhic environment as a result of my mum’s lineage and my dad‘s conversion to the concept, sometime during his college days. In such a setting, one would grow up with the concept of hawans. I did too. Somewhere I grew attached to the idea of hawans, not because i felt that it spiritually made a difference because we have now pleased GOd, but because hawans were a way to get the family to sit around each other for a common cause chanting from a book and singing bhajans , because the kund smell smelt of fragrance, because the fumes made the house feel cleansed. All these are a means of getting your spirits up and imbibing a team spirit, and is why participating in hawans felt good!
The beauty of the Hawan kund
Each year I indulge in some fasting. These occasions are fond childhood memories of lavish feasts and get togethers, or a day that was different from routine. I never really got attached to these occasions as a means of prolonging my family’s lives and happiness (GOD forbid). Rather then attaching the concept of a happy life to a fast, I would rather go about creating a positive environment around home and be wise in family matters. I do although believe that fasting has an inherent way of teaching us gratitude, yet making our bodies healthy.
Christmas – the festival of pretty lights, of family togetherness and bonding
Anyways coming back to the point, one’s Spirituality and faith are a very private matter. My spirituality may be different from my own child’s. Based on his own experiences he may chose to follow certain traditions and customs and reject all of mine. And I should respect that, as Long as he creates a positive environment for himself and others.
Diwali-The festival of lights and the triumph of good over evil! shouldn’t all festivals have the same essence?
For what I have seen in my limited lifetime, I have also come to understand a different aspect of religion. When difficult times strike us, we turn to religion, we are ready to add on more practices to our spirituality, we fear for future losses, we try to counter our insecurities with more and more religious acts. We start confusing spiritually with religious customs and acts. We add on threads and garnishes in terms of rings and amulets to our birthday suit. We start becoming conscious of time in terms of night or day prayers. We start restraining ourselves from doing or eating certain things on certain days. We start chanting out as many mantras as we can. We become sensitive. Our plates and pans become different from others. We may sometimes become irritated with who we perceive as religiously insensitive people. We may sometimes tell our children to start following specific rules, sometimes completely omitting the logic behind it. I have seen grown up children follow the rules in front of their parents to not break their heart ,only to break them behind their backs. The important thing to notice here is the GAP of pretense that our insecurity has caused between us and our children. History is proof of how blind religious beliefs has caused disarray in the world. Let us not forget that it was a religiously blinded man who thought of putting a hindu flag atop a Mosque, but it took for a spiritual one to get back up there and take it down. The religiously blinded were quarrelling,while the spiritual were reasoning it out. My faith is my faith and yours is yours, and each is respect worthy.
Rakshabandhan- the festival of celebrating siblings! Its originally the festival of a brother promising to protect his sister, but this can sometimes set wrong expectations and hence we celebrate it as a festival of love and respect between brothers and sisters.
I and my husband follow simplified rules. His version- do good and forget! Mine-send good energies in the universe, to build a good environment around yourself! My children may have their own version and maybe they have none as yet or it’s still in the process of formation.
In the end I would like to say, the universe won’t ask you whether you sat on the right or left side of your husband during a prayer, or whether you chanted all the mantras that needed chanting, but it will surely question you whether your heart and mind was clean, whether you were aware of your own faults and whether you did good by others! That’s religion for me as I understand it, maybe I am yet to learn!
I was 8-9 yrs old when my father started introducing to me the concept of what makes thee beautiful!
I belong to a middle class family and my father , having risen from a humble background himself wanted for his children to be educated. But that education was not just about bookish knowledge, the education was about social behaviour, deep thinking and being able to take sound decisions.
We were brought up with music perennially running in the background of our daily existence. In the late 80s my father was posted in Africa to a remote country and for those 5 yrs we listened and re-listened to the likes of Hemant Kumar, Jagjit Singh, Lata mangeshkar, Asha, ghulam ali, Kishore Kumar and for an extreme soul searching we would switch to Hari om sharan. It was much later that we would visit India and buy the hip and happening songs of the time- chandni, Lamhe, Maine Pyar kiya, ram lakhan. Evenings would be spent gathered in our living room listening to mum’s rendition of some of our fav songs. Papa would fondly record and re-record her voice as she progressed. Me and my brother were encouraged to participate during festivals when we would decorate the temple and spend the evenings singing devotional songs. Religious festivities at the time would mean gathering at our fellow compatriots houses on thursdays and sundays for Bhajan and Havan, what i grew up understanding as the difference in the name given to a South Indian Puja and a North Indian Puja. Limited resources sometimes teach people a lot and I was blessed to have grown up in that environment. Money apparently wasn’t a problem but avenues for spending that money was. So well we were functionally poor
At the age of 7-8 I decided I wanted to dance on stage. Most of the big things in my life have been built out of an initial delusion of being great at what I do, and thank God for that😂 at the age you would imagine a pretty little girl dressed up in pink performing on stage to “mere Hathon mein “, well not me. I was a lanky dark disheveled ugly thing bobbing on stage in an orange dress and a pink hair band to rishi kapoor’s “oh meri chandni” – I still have muscle memory of the dance moves. I remember my skirt slipping off mid way and how I would take the time out every 10 seconds to bring it back to place and then continue dancing. So much for resilience!
The current day me- Still at it !
I was otherwise a tomboy running around wildly shouting at the TOP of my voice. We lacked hair Parlour’s in the city, so for haircuts I used to have pots and pans of various sizes kept on my head to demarcate the portion to be cut , yes😎. Our clothes were hand me downs from our friends who had outgrown them. But we never thought less of ourselves and that was a blessing.
Anyways after my solo performance Papa felt that his girl had some talent based on the encouragement I got from the audience. So my delusion about myself lead him to put me into a bharatnatyam dance school. Soon I also joined classical singing. I have a keen sense of observation and I remember noticing the hand movements and general conduct of my dance and music Teachers. They sparked in me ,they don’t know till today, a lesson more valuable then dance and music, they taught me social conduct, they initiated me to the concept of grace , of beautiful over pretty. Of course even I didn’t realize it at the time. But it started an evolution.
My cousin Yukti- what grace! And a beautiful woman!( we chanced upon this painting Of hers on the Internet and it was painted without her permission , so all disclaimers in place -to be assumed!)
At the age I used to spend a lot of time with papa, for me he was the most handsome and humble man in the world. I used to watch the bold humble man express himself to me about all his life’s observations and I used to try to soak in everything. We returned to India soon after and I was again put into a dance and music school.
Puberty hit soon after. I have come to believe that puberty is a very crucial phase in a person’s life , be it a boy or a girl. This is the stage where you suddenly become very aware about yourself. All your senses become alert to things happening within and outside you. As a girl you become very aware about the slightest of change in your body. You are easily broken and easily hyper active. Some how it feels like an age where you are soaking in everything from your surroundings- good or bad. This is a stage which can break you or fix you for life. Papa played a very crucial part during this time without realising so or maybe he did what he did, deliberately.
Papa and his little woman!
Papa would take me along to social gatherings and encourage me to meet elders and wish them. We would later sit in our living room with dad and mum pointing out how graceful a certain lady behaves and how beautiful she looks because of the certain conduct. In my mind I would think well she was not pretty, but if you say so , well ok. Gradually I started seeing those specific women in that light too. The way women talk, the way they conduct themselves, what they do as humans. I remember one particular lady who was my dad’s subordinate, she wore cotton starched sarees, carried a simple handbag, spoke confidently yet gracefully, sang classical songs in social gatherings, her Husband stood staunchly by her side all the while she went about doing what she did. I saw in my father’s eyes respect for this lady. My parents are still in touch with her and she has reached quite a senior position at work too. There were numerous other men and women that my parents pointed out for having exemplary social conduct and yet lived peacefully in their personal lives too. I stopped looking at acne free faces, beautiful bodies, etc as beautiful people , I started searching for beauty and grace in terms of social and personal conduct.
There are different kinds of people in the world, and I believe each individual should be allowed to be what and who they want to be. But I also believe that for humanity to get ahead, there is a universal code of conduct which incorporates mindfulness towards other individuals and which makes our environment liveable. Following that simple code of conduct , makes living and loving much easier.
Thank God for a father’s wisdom, now I know beautiful people!
We humans love to define things into right and wrongs. More often then not we attach an emotional quotient to it. For example- is it ok to hit your child when he does something wrong. The obvious answer would be that “ sitting down and chatting with the child is probably a better and saner option” . But the truth is as a parent you do tend to attach an emotion to the whole act. Sometimes you may be in the right frame of mind to have that chat with the child( I believe even a 1 yr old child is capable of understanding words , though you may need to repeat them again and again sometimes), but sometimes you let your emotions/temperament/inconvenience get into the way and you may whack the kid( though it also depends on the laws of the country you live in. In my country it is sadly allowed)
Judging anyone on their parenting is for the lesser mortals. So I shall refrain from that. But there are so many human actions which end up being dependent on emotion rather then a sense of right or wrong, basically the inability to think it through. And that may be a reason for a major part of our suffering.
Why is it important to do things from a sense of right or wrong? Why is it not ok to let emotion get the better of us? If emotions were to rule the roost then the whole world will be divided between what I perceive as mine and what you perceive as yours. My children, my home, my family, my feelings, my country, my………….your children, your home, your family, your feelings, your country. Etc etc …..there is no end to this. Wars can be fought over these ideas.
What we do, we pass down to our kids as examples. I have 2 children. When they quarrel , more often then not I don’t know who was the fire starter. When they love, I don’t know who loves more. The reason for this is not that I don’t want to understand it. But it’s because kids love and quarrels can both be confusing, because of the sheer level of noise that accompanies it. But in their saner moments I do have chats with them, about what it usually takes to develop good relationships, not just with each other but with other people as well , be it parents, cousins, uncles and aunts, house help, etc. But most importantly the kids see me follow what I preach and preach what I follow. Their rules eventually are theirs to make, but I would like to have fed them a visual that’ll help them to understand.
It is during some of these discussions where the topic of right and wrong and infusion of emotion comes into the picture. My boy who is 11 now, is sensitive to human emotion, and it’s something beautiful to witness as well as nurture. I tell him that the idea is not to always be able to differentiate between right and wrong while acting upon something because it’s sometimes difficult to isolate emotions from your actions. But the important thing is to learn to be alert about the havoc an emotional decision is sometimes capable of creating either by way of hurting or harming someone or coming in the way of your personal or professional relationships. And to be prepared to right a wrong that you may have done even though it may have happened unintentionally.
Because the beauty of life is not about being perfect, but about taking responsibility for your actions and stirring the right kind of vibrations in the world, the kind of vibrations one would like to receive as well. On that note…..
Positivity is the absence of negativity even when there is nothing great going on for you! Who are we without the comfort of the titles that we hold. Without the title of being a star, or a popular poet or business man, of belonging to so and so family or community, without the title of … Continue reading “A simple Life!”
Positivity is the absence of negativity even when there is nothing great going on for you!
Who are we without the comfort of the titles that we hold. Without the title of being a star, or a popular poet or business man, of belonging to so and so family or community, without the title of being a parent or being successful. Who are we when stripped down to our basics , without the satisfaction of feeling all that is considered worldly good and beautiful.
Are we decent humans, are we loyal, are we less judging or content in what’s been given to us, are we compassionate, honest , are we giving, are we nourishing. Are we happy, are we even half decent.
Becoming a Mother ( again a title, so I like to think of it as a by product of procreation and a duty which I fulfill with much love and nurturing and sometimes losing my mind 🤪 ) started a journey for me to seek who I am because I am conscious about what ideas we pass down to our younger generation.I am not perfect, and I am not trying to be . But my satisfaction comes from the evolution I have felt inside, for the unquenchable quest to learn more, to think more, to be more open minded.I have been blessed to have wonderful people touch my lives, even the ones who left small amounts of bitterness, because they became more important to my understanding of the need to unlearn and re-consider my thoughts and actions and to learn to accept more people just the way they are.
One of the most important questions I started asking myself a couple of years ago, who am I without the things/statuses/titles that the world has bestowed upon me. 8 years ago I left the corporate world and started my own business. It was an attempt to feel needed by the world, to build dignity, strengthand confidence, a status in the world, to belong. 3 years ago I started re-questioning myself what would happen if that external means of dignity was to vanish suddenly, and honestly at the time it scared the hell out of me. And it brought to surface an even greater fear, the fear of depending on external happiness to feel content and dignified. The thought crossed my mind “happiness, contentment, success should be defined by your spirit even in the absence of anything considered worldly good or famous”. It is not linked to how someone may see you, a famous so and so, a good parent, a good worker, a good home maker, from an esteemed family etc etc . These are all external perceptions, which may be right or wrong. Doesn’t mean that we should slack at parenting, keeping home, at our job, dim our light when fame hits us etc. Instead , Success and happiness should be defined by the efforts we are capable of and ready to put in to be productive for a greater cause. It should be seen in the shine of our spirit in the absence or presence of all the above.
It’s sometimes important to ask oneself, what am I without being or doing so and so and being recognised for it in such and such way. If the answer to that sends jitters down your spine, maybe you need to re-evaluate the variables that your happiness depends upon.
I have transcended the path I defined above and am at a point where I have learned to be pleased with myself just sitting in my home drinking my early morning cup of tea, having sent the kids to school and staring at the stains on my simple shirt from the toil of the day before, thinking about the food I need to cook, or the book I shall read , the art I shall create, the plants that need watering and the social media posts I shall stare at, having my mild FOMO moments, then suddenly being shaken out of my reverie ,looking at the clock and reminding myself “ damn, it’s time to go pick up the tykes from school!!!”
I call this a state of being content within the means bestowed upon oneself because you maybe more blessed then another who may be fighting for their basic existences and you need to learn to be grateful for what you have, yet to know at the back of your mind that those means may be transient too.
We are better off finding contentment in our acceptance of ourselves as simple people who don’t shirk from making efforts and are content with simple pleasures of life, compared to living with a false sense of entitlement that the best needs to be bestowed upon us because we just feel we deserve it.
I have been on a zen journey…….I shall be on it for a while more!
I love to write about my children, arts and crafts and life and relationships in general. They are nothing out of the ordinary , but honest feelings and thoughts put together. I store these write ups as notes in my phone notepad. With the recent spate Of data crashes, I realise I am better off finding a more permanent place for my thoughts. So here goes
I usually spend a lot of time with my 9 year old boy. He is in an interesting stage, he says memories-worth silly things plus he usually needs my help in homeworks and music revisions. The toddler gets a bit upset seeing us get along at times. She keeps jumping between us, and we grab her for cuddles in return.
Last week I took her out for a date as the elder Brother had an alum meet to be dropped to . I dressed up, even managed to put on some bare minimum makeup for the date. Dressed her up pretty too. Packed our fav books , her water bottle, an extra diaper, some small cash. We held each other’s hands and stepped into a mall looking for a nice cozy coffee place. The toddler who hardly gets out of home apart from for playground,school, birthday party and family outings gets overexcited to see so many people , let’s just say people. Leaves my hand and decides to explore while I watch her trajectory. Now the toddler is unlike everything my boy was at this age. She likes to test her limits as well as mine. She knows no fears, but if someone was to come and speak to her, she would scream mummy. So i unleashed this toddler out in the mall. By the end of the first 30 mins( yes it takes that long to look for a coffee shop for mum with toddler, whereas an average person may spot it in 5 mins) the toddler had touched, in all ways inappropriate,
the mannequins in the windows, tried to snatch away a handbag from one, tested all the kiddie mall rides( she still hasn’t figured out the coins slot yet😈), and had almost gotten lost 2 times
We finally ambled our way to the coffee shop, she decided to take a break, sprawled herself on the sofa seat, legs spread out, trying to catch her breath.
I ordered a coffee for myself and a carrot cake for the young lady. She devoured it hungrily and managed to save some for her Brother.
I finally fell into the sofa seat and gulped down my coffee. Got out the Favourite books, lay them side by side, and clicked. They made for a nice picture.
We were so exhausted , we didn’t read!
We just stared at each other making small talk, gathering the hustle and bustle around us. Soon it was time to pickup the Brother From school and the long arduous journey back through the mall to the car park😳 and the realisation -she is still stroller worthy!
Toddler dates are never perfect, but they make for interesting memories.
ExpressionsBySu 